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April 21, 2011
Even from a far...
He comes through. We got three letters from Joe today, and they came at just the right time! Porter was really missing Joe and then...poof! There they were in the mailbox! We saved one letter to open tomorrow as per Porter's request. The best part was that there was a DVD in there with a video of Joe reading two books to Porter. I made a big deal out of it and Porter came and sat on my lap to watch. I have to admit that I shed a few tears. It is totally different seeing him on Skype where the connection isn't that great. I actually got to see him move and see his facial expressions. He has lost some weight and he shaved off his hair island so that was definitely different for me. But, all of those feelings came rushing back, and it made me miss him that much more. But, Porter needed it. It was exactly what he needed. He fell right to sleep with a look of contentment on his face. Thank you Joe for always knowing what we need. We love you!
April 6, 2011
Spinning like a top....
That is how I am feeling. I just forced myself to sit down on the couch and watch a show. For the first time in over three weeks. I had to allow myself to relax. It will only be for 20 more minutes, but I am trying.
I feel that I have been filling my day with tons of activities so that I don't have to think about Joe being gone. If I do, I feel like I am going to break down. And, yes, I know that it is healthy to do that. I get it. But, I don't want to. I want to stay busy and force the days to go by. And yet, I also realize that I am forcing Porter to grow up. I am wishing this year away and, in doing so, I feel like I am wishing away Porter's 4th year of life. It hurts.
This is how a typical day goes:
5:50- wake up
6:40- get Porter up and fight with him about getting dressed
7:15- drop Porter off
7:30- start work
4:15- pick Porter up (or leave him at school if I have to teach that night and pick him up at 8:30pm)
4:30- get home and feed Porter quickly
5:30- head to some event
**I am able to stay at home twice a week usually and then this is playtime**
7:30- get Porter ready for bed
8:00-8:30- put Porter to bed (book, songs, hugs, and "Mommy, will you lie down with me for a couple minutes?"
8:30-11:45- PeanutStitches business; get ready for the next day; clean, etc.
11:45-12:00- get ready for bed and lights out
Where is free time? Where is there time to relax? No wonder I feel like I am running on E.
But the good part? We are 3 months down!!
I feel that I have been filling my day with tons of activities so that I don't have to think about Joe being gone. If I do, I feel like I am going to break down. And, yes, I know that it is healthy to do that. I get it. But, I don't want to. I want to stay busy and force the days to go by. And yet, I also realize that I am forcing Porter to grow up. I am wishing this year away and, in doing so, I feel like I am wishing away Porter's 4th year of life. It hurts.
This is how a typical day goes:
5:50- wake up
6:40- get Porter up and fight with him about getting dressed
7:15- drop Porter off
7:30- start work
4:15- pick Porter up (or leave him at school if I have to teach that night and pick him up at 8:30pm)
4:30- get home and feed Porter quickly
5:30- head to some event
**I am able to stay at home twice a week usually and then this is playtime**
7:30- get Porter ready for bed
8:00-8:30- put Porter to bed (book, songs, hugs, and "Mommy, will you lie down with me for a couple minutes?"
8:30-11:45- PeanutStitches business; get ready for the next day; clean, etc.
11:45-12:00- get ready for bed and lights out
Where is free time? Where is there time to relax? No wonder I feel like I am running on E.
But the good part? We are 3 months down!!
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